my funny clementines

I peal them carefully not to injure the fragile flesh of a citrus infant.

the international shop, down the road, managed to bring those fresh from the tree.  with the stem and leaves still attached. I can imagine the tree that gave birth to those. still containing blissful youth and raging splashes of sweet Juice. when touching my tongue, I’m happy.  I never have enough, can do 3 or 4 sometimes at one  go. my hands tinted with the skins oily texture, creating another layer of memories of winter cloudy days with a mug of wisotsky tea and home made philosophies on our blue sofa. I eat my clementine. sipping every drop that smells like home. I look at my tinted hands and head to the shower. I dont ever want to wash my hands from your memories. but I must .

retard and fat

I’m tired of not being brilliant in the language I live with. The last 3 years I’m struggling with good level , limiting my ability to correspond intelligence the way I’m used to . Yes , one can tell he or she overcomes that by being more sophisticated and clear when bringing their thoughts to the paper by using other methods of communication to convince whoever they address . But I just want to come up with vocabulary that will kick the brain of some of my friends here, and that sadly doesn’t happen . I do not have the time to invest in reading the dictionary. shame yes, as my shelf does contain some space for that book. honestly I do not have the patience and brain capacity to learn too  many new words. My brain is shrinking while the rest of me is expending.  Now I’m depressed. Next year I am moving from good to being retarded in the language I’m going to live with. An infant will beat me in a small argument over Ice cream. Maybe its time to colour my hair blond and pretend I’m a tourist from Poland.

Frenchwomen and french cities.

Lyon. walking out of a smoky cafe in this trendy town, a lady with new high boots . suede, medium wood hills, a light camel colour with brown zipper that climbs from her ankles to her knees. fall. she steps out of the cafe holding her matching bag and her posture as if shes the new queen of Rue St Vincent . Women seem to be happier with new shoes. proud of their new walk. their new thrill of their new conquest, of small steps, of smaller feet.

Avignon . 3 polish girls and a cigarette are sharing a table left to mine. coffee and cigarettes goes together in France, like mussels with white wine, they complement my appetite of words, a random Provance tourist who happen to like blue sky and clear air. the 2 older guys from the table on my right chat in loud english (one with an obvious american accent and the other of german origin, but could be scandinavian too) about Sarcuzi and his choice of women. they long for those blonde young students , capturing their peeping eyes through the smoky fumes merging with the fumes of my hot cappuccino.

Paris. we walk fast through the wide boulevard leading to Gare st Lazare. the Parisian street wish to sleep before the new week rises from behind new big clouds of fall. the corners of the pavement are covered with yellowish leaves that compliment my hair . you hold my hand tight. dont worry I wont go anywhere. Im yours.

Paris 2. same boulevard. a woman with tired face is sitting there looking at those last passengers of the weekend. holding their lust and their hopes and a bag of good bread. she sits there with plastic bags surrounding her, seem like a whole day shopping to me. she wears white training pants and a coat . her tired wrinkles matches her tired badly colored hair, she has several golden bracelets and white sports shoes.Her current sit is a temporary chair made of a box. a few coins shine from the little handkerchief lying next to her feet. I wonder about what it takes to become officially a beggar. too much shopping ?

Je tiens à les embrasser tous. femmes et les villes

ignorance and the Jewish mother

some gentiles I don’t love.

their ignorance fuming from their eyes  is like a veil that darkens mine.

I patronize over their self loath, with pure indulgence to soften my pain.

sometime its shoes. Sometime I demand my Jewish mother to welcome me to her womb again.

loving a gentile

I love them gentile. my gentleman gentile . gently choosing me for the love of man.

healing. thought 2

some people don’t know how to say goodbye

some people rather not leave.

I’m the one blown by the wind to those people doorsteps. to heal and be healed with.

Today

the 7 good years begin today. Trust me, its written in my diary.

I pointed it out in my annual  countdown ,

so the time will pass quicker, and Ill have something to look forward too.

the 7 good years begin today. Trust me, its written in my Cristal ball.

I polished it well on my seasonal cleaning,

so the hope will look clearer, and Ill have something to dream about too.

the 7 good years begin today. Trust me, its written on my forehead.

I scrubbed it well on my daily cleaning

so the wrinkles will dry softer, and Ill have something to be proud of too.

cambridge trio – part 3

I follow my fortune by choosing my friends. one can tell our choices are influenced by circumstances and coincidences. Such coincidence brought Reuben to my life, another brought you my dearest friend. Younger than me in a number of years, which can create embarrassment at times. but your maturity eased our encounter.

Your velvet eyes and hair took Reuben’s and Alistair’s attention from the yogurt kebab served in Anatolia, very easily. I admit, mine too. Attention is easily distracted by the sight of Beauty. But what is beauty, how to define what’s beautiful and what is not? Where beauty begins and where it ends?. I like to discuss beauty with a good meal holding a beautiful wine in my hand. It makes my words prettier and desired, as required when writing about my beautiful friend.

Your mother peeping from the little screen of your mobile is a very beautiful woman. She has the mysterious facade of those non aging women who are not bothered by wrinkles, flattered by silver hair that spices their brunette hallow with glorious sparkles. I want to be like your mother. I want to be your mother when we reach Tottenham hale and you share with me how much you miss her. I am a one of those people who likes to watch other people’s photos and memories. As if I don’t have enough of my own.

Your mobile is constantly in reach, held by you gently and attach your loved ones in Israel to this little adventure. You like to be surrounded by people and emotions and little items and so you’re taking them with you to our Farewell weekend. Them, and about half of your wardrobe and many little gifts. you hand me a little fury new friend, his name his gumgum and he’s soft and sensitive. you couldn’t know that its one of the nicknames of guy. and I send you a sad smile and open my heart again. the sky are changing their clouds and I am fascinated by the conversation you’re having with your family, already being offered a treatment at your mother’s Beauty clinic, embraced by your father’s smile, and share your brothers wisdom when you let them know you take that weekend with this friend who is special. Beautiful people need special friends.

My friend Sasha in Israel is special. He comes from the same immigration wave as your parents in the early 70ies from Russia to Israel. I talk with clichés when mentioning those people who fought ignorance, who worked hard to become free, on the train to Cambridge, home of Knowledge and freedom. Those beautiful people I wish to be like, to be with, in a Bard night in a Tel Avivian hall, smelling the thickness of your beautiful mother tongue, or next to the kinneret singing Wisotsky songs holding a local Russian extra fine vodka, poured like velvet in my tired throat. Velvet hair and velvet eyes, looking at me from the bottom of velvet vodka shot.

I think about the coming dinner we will have with those 2 men you know little of. They may find our stories of immigration and land loving slightly remote from their British fortress of wisdom. But maybe they won’t. Maybe they will notice the beauty of humanity when we share our Israeli tales laughing in Hebrew and gazing at them guessing what they think about us.

We reach our destination, we just started our weekend and we just started our friendship, and I already wish to draw a picture of you my dearest friend. Ill use my most beautiful words to decorate your chapter in my life, and a velvety fabric to accept all my colors.

cambridge trio – part 1

I asked you to join us in Cambridge. 2 friends and a farewell to share. a man I wish to learn more about, a river that flows through knowledgeable  eyes  and a riddle hiding in between the old walls.

we left from Liverpool street. Michal holding a  bag that contains too many clothes  for 24 hours, I  hold a bag of chocolates. we may need that, as farewells are not my sweet choice. the slower train to Cambridge passed through small villages with a cow planted in a wide green lawn. Small lakes tainting summery day with fresh drops. you are like this, in my Life. can you see why I love you?

we arrived . the lady of the brooklands  B&B told us its about 10 minutes walk from her home. she wasn’t accurate.  she’s Israeli. we walked about  35  minutes  and Michal’s  bag seemed to be heavier, as we approached the back side of the station and Cambridge that was not the  sight you dream about when farewells approach through the eyes  of  Shabbat.

we have  about an hour to meet you and your friend on the bridge. Im exited. Michal is getting dressed and I check our room. our matrimonial room. too many kitschy decorations gives a  false first impression of beauty     like a too sweet chocolate  with too many additives, sliding on my tongue , but   not  reaching my stomach.  the  room is covered with white  fabrics and many ornaments , the owner collected previously,  in a market in Israel I wonder or  a 2  pounds shop in london?. lace fabrics  and sparkly mirrors, little statues and fluffy materials attached to anything that can be tied . I cant tie myself to anything these days  and  so I  watch all of this matrimonial business with more than a few questions, I lay on the comfy bed waiting for  Michal to finish preparing herself and  the  blue ceiling with gold stars makes me  smile when I  think of you probably  wearing your blue shirt right now.

we order a  cab to take us to the bridge point at bridge street. you told  us to meet you there , next to the Turkish Anatolia and to the river I wish to walk inside one day . we walk together Michal and I , almost hand in  hand as the beautiful summer and the  beautiful town, tends to plant love in ones heart. we chat lightly about this wonderful town and our previous and current lovers. the punters humming in a small group sitting next to the bridge and a boat crossing underneath the  bridge with 2  couples and a dinner they share . we  wished it would feel like that in the Turkish restaurant.  the café and pub on the  square were already buzzing with the local tourists of the weekend, a woman with a floral dress walked gently to embrace a  man with blue  eyes, kissing him gently twice. I  noticed  you and Alistair arriving from behind her and wanted to run towards you and  give you a hug, but I slowed down.

we entered the restaurant, a  good smell welcomed us and we set next to one of the  very colorful tables  covered with cloth that reminded Michal of south America. first chat of people who introduce themselves, some met  before  and some  didn’t, little innuendos of first times. glimpses of one eye to another eye. small talk of patterns and colors and scents. Gestures of introduction and I feel it was a great choice to come here. you are relaxed this evening. Your eyes match your shirt and you tell me you like that wine that that goes well with the food here. I trust you. Michal and I are exchanging words in Hebrew , mostly not on the men we sit with but on the atmosphere that gradually develops to a gay tune. We order the food , 3 same dishes and a cuscus. Fresh salads  arrive first  and I  notice  my grandmother wine leaves are smaller. I take the fresh  pitta and dig into the chumus, the habit of using a fork with it still  seem to me a  bit out of  place. even after 3 years in a country that use cutlery sometime with no relation to the origins of the food or the natural movements that goes with it. chumus  need  that  round curvy little movement of the wrist followed  by the smile  I give you when I  think of another chumus I shared with a  tall man and his friend years ago on the top of mount Carmel. and I feel so  close suddenly. I sip a bit more of my wine and I cross my words with Alistair.

the evening passes by and  we exchange many words and stories and thoughts , different patterns  of  conversation are  being created over the very patterned table cloth. I talk with 3 people and with all of them and with myself and I feel that I also talk a bit with my past. you would  argue with me over my sentiments but  I don’t  care right now. I am  looking forward to the rest of this evening as mint tea is served with desert.

cambridge trilogy or more. the professor

he has the right  Jacket.

its fabric suitable for the local students

admiring the blue stripes matching his observing  eyes

I like jackets, extra fine

I like professors too.

those who are shopping  for music notes  and fresh grounded coffee

they will take home to sip with their  loyal wives.

I come to Cambridge because of them

not because of the old  stone , or the  young spirit clinging to them

in library corridors and  punting nuances.

I come  here because of the professors

those rushing in the thin paths  , crossing green lawns with their  tired clothes

peeping at their youth gathering in the local  cafes

wondering if they  had  read their  books

while peeping at the local Heffers to see if

they had  arrived.

I like those professors to tell me love while

whispering their memories of a successful research.

we walk a  bit more , your jacket is  too warm

for an honest summer day.

you pull your  shirt  from your jeans

I  admit I like students too.

stop

I stopped at the corner of your mouth,

where a tip of a smile search for my curvy hold.

I stopped at the edge of your hand,

where  fingers learn to catch the drop of my scarf.

I stopped at the brink of your ear,

where wishful thinking grasp my hopes.

I stopped at the entrance to your mind,

where thoughts gather to cover my heavy breath

farewells

but  I already know farewells.

goodbye to a best friend in a corridor of tears,

to a dead beloved under an olive tree.

to my mother in her kitchen spiced with garlic  and thyme,

a silent goodbye to my father before the departure desk.

to my colleges every year when the summer is coated by a dry desert embrace,

to an impossible lover every full moon in winters, storming moods like a northern wind

to your lips on the phone telling me we  meet in the mountains in less than a day

I know those farewells.

sneaking behind my back as I ignore their steps. pulling a rough material over  my head pretending to be a silky scarf  that becomes my sadness. I know those farewells, naked letters on a clean paper, coding words I don’t know how to spell,  spilling cliches to taint my eyes .I know those farewells, uninvited and scratching.

I wish I didn’t know them



merchants

the eastern gate is open for you now,

go through my friend.

storm in when its so wide open,

glistening gold and hope and adventure,

welcoming your slender steps with invisible claps.

other merchants come and go,you saw,

carrying long tales and silk fabrics of lust,

holding their fortune with grace that wont enchant my heart.

its only your goods I’m after,

your modest possessions wrapped in blue cotton.

spread them in front of my eyes, shining assets

when lifting the lock of your treasure trunk,

so I can indulge my wishful thinking

one more time.

sick

I have all the right symptoms to flirting with swine flu,

coughing alef bet on my way to a land that  officially keeps kosher

I  have all the right symptoms of  being hopelessly inlove,

spitting affectionate words on a man who is empty of emotions.

I have all the right symptoms of getting  older,

snoring charts  melodies on my way to altneuland.

I have all the  right symptoms to be shamelessly wishful

shouting  my hopes to a  man who lives in a different chapter.

מחשבות שוקולד , הבל רוזמרין

ערסל  של  תקוות, כסא מתנדנד ישן,

ריח עור מלוח, פיסת שיער  דביקה,

טיפה מלוחה  על לשוני בושם תבלין של אם,

הולכת   הביתה.

רגל  יחפה על מרפסת, אמת עירומה נשקפת

ריח מתוק של פרי תאווה, חיוכים  עבריים מעקצצים

נהימת אוטובוס, צהוב מנצנץ מבין פסי מעבר חצייה,

רדיו מקווה לשינוי, כמה רבים אליך הגעגועים ?

הולכת  הביתה

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